Malta, we love Malta!
These are the things we'd alter.
Malta, we love Malta,
These are the things we'd alter.

Now you've not been in Malta for very long,
Before you notice some things seem wrong
Before we go on with the show,
This is a very old Maltese calypso: (refrain)

Now the Maltese people are very nice,
You hire a car, you better think twice.
Now the Maltese people are very nice,
You hire a car, you better think twice.
I hired one the first day that I'm here
With no brakes, no clutch, and ……. gear.
I went around to get my money back,
But the man says, don't worry 'cause they're all like that. (refrain)

Now I took a taxi, had a terrible fright.
He drove on the left, he drove on the right.
I took a taxi, had a terrible fright.
He drove on the left, in the middle of the right.
I asked the driver, can this be true?
Does everyone in Malta drive like you?
He smiled at me, said we have to …….
Everyone in Malta drives on the …….. (refrain)

Now the Maltese girls - very fine,
With dark skin and eyes that shine.
The Maltese girls are very fine,
With dark skin and big behinds.
I asked the girl to come out with me to ……,
I picked her up at about half past eight,
Her mother said, have a real good time,
But she'd better be home at half past nine! (refrain)

Now the first thing that may be very …….
Is everybody drives like Sterling Moss.
Now the first thing that may be very ……
Is everybody drives like Sterling Moss.
The buses are a bit of a joke,
They're old and green, they make a lot of smoke.
The smallest book in the world, we're told,
That's the Maltese highway code. (refrain)

But when you leave Malta, you'll be very sad -
Things over here aren't really that bad.
When you leave Malta, you'll be very sad -
Things over here aren't really that bad.
We've got the sunshine, we've got the sea,
And not long ago we got the …..
And when you come back, you never know -
Someone might have filled up all the holes in the roads

Malta, we love Malta,
These are the things we'd alter.
Malta, we love Malta,
That's nothing that we'd alter!