It's raining cats and dogs
Thomas Dreiucker
Just imagine it would rain cats and dogs. Just imagine all meadows and fields, all trees and buildings would be covered with cats and dogs. They would be spread all over the world. Every single part of this planet would be in the hands of Tobies and Tibbies. Not only would they be dominant in America but also in Russia and on all continents. This would mean the end of human power and leadership. The cat would be the head, the smart one of those two species, and the dog would be the worker, with physical power.
What would this world be like? Would it be better or worse? The question is, can it get worse, concerning wars and military actions, famine and social differences, for which our race has to take responsibility? I would say give it a try. It can only get better.
Maybe we'd have to live indoors with only some minutes per day of fresh air. We would be the ones who have to be ready all the time to cuddle the cat. Or we'd have to guard the doghouse. Maybe this world wouldn't be human anymore. But I'm not sure whether this would be a disadvantage. Give it a try.
Killing Time
Christiane Jörgens
I tried to kill time yesterday. First I drowned some single minutes, which worked out very fine. Then I shot some and later I was able to poison a full quarter of an hour all at once. But after that, when I was attacking a whole hour with a knife, it struck back and that encouraged time to assert itself again. Now I've got to live with it forever.
Killing Two Birds with One Stone
Dietrich Menn
In the big city there lived an old man. He was a grumbling, angry, and lonesome old chap. Every day he went for a walk through his favourite park. But there were things in the park which annoyed him. He hated children playing games in the park and shouting to one another. He also hated spring because blossoming trees were a thorn in his side. However, the things he hated most had always been singing birds. So every day he sat down on a particular bench at the park's little lake and aimed with stones at birds he caught sight of. With his weak throw and bad sight, the elderly man never managed to hit a single bird.
Because of his daily failure he grew more and more frustrated as the years went by. But one day on a sunny spring afternoon when the birds were chirping cheerfully especially around the bench he was sitting on, he again aimed at the birds. He threw a sharp-edged stone with all his might at two birds sitting on a blossoming branch. His dream came true. He hit a bird. No, he hit two birds - he killed two birds with one stone!
The old grumbling man was happier and more motivated than he had been in years. He was back in life again; he had achieved something; he was somebody again. He nearly burst with joy as he left the park to spread his news. But unfortunately as he crossed the main street a 30-ton truck loaded with bird feed ran over him.
A "Cock-and-Bull" Story from China
Kahori Chiba-Stegemann
A long, long time ago there was a god. One day he said to his animals, "I have to choose 12 animals for each year. Come to me on January first. Don't keep me waiting. The first 12 will be selected."
The animals were very excited and all wanted to be among the honored creatures. Unfortunately the cat forgot which day she should appear before the king. She asked the mouse, who slyly murmured, "January second."
The cow knew he needed more time than the other animals, so he started the day before at the dead of night. Although he walked slowly step by step, he was ahead of the others. But the sly mouse was hidden on the cow's back. He hadn't walked a step and had even slept the whole journey. Shortly before the cow reached the god's front door, the mouse slipped off his back and said, "I'm the first!" The cow was angry, but could do nothing about it.
After that the other animals arrived: tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake... Early the next morning the cat appeared and asked herself, "Am I the first?" She beamed with joy because nobody else was there. It was utterly quiet. Gradually she noticed that something was wrong. Finally she figured out that the mouse had told her a cock-and-bull story.
Ever since then cats catch mice.
Idioms for the Road
Christiane Jörgens, et al (group exercise)
We had had a narrow escape and now we were on the run. But the man who had wanted to blaze the trail for us wound up in a pub. On the spur of the moment we decided to keep moving along the road straight ahead. In the evening one of us liked the sight of the sunset so much that she left us, heading due west. "Don't let us keep you!" we shouted. After dusk it was so dark that we lost our way. Now we realized that there was no chance to make it home that night. So we lay down to sleep out of doors. The next morning we awoke with not even a suggestion of fatigue. After being on the tramp for many more hours we met our presumably lost comrade; she, having found the right way, had arrived home the night before and had decided to meet us half way.
Hobson's Choice
(including the idioms Hobson's choice, daughter of Eve and black Maria)
Julia Albrecht
Once upon a time there was a young man named Hobson who was looking for a bride. One day he came into a small village and he found a girl at the water fountain. As he was very thirsty after his long walk, he asked the girl for some water. She stood up immediately, fetched some water for him and also offered him some bread and fruit she had in her bag. In this instant Hobson knew that he would marry this girl, that she would give him at least five or six children and that she would be a wonderful mother and wife. When he told her about his plans, she looked down to the ground, blushed and whispered: "Oh, sir, I would be so happy to be your wife and the mother of your children." "What's your name, beautiful girl?" asked Hobson and she replied: "I'm the daughter of Eve."
On the same day he went to ask her father for her hand in marriage. Her father, a farmer named Adam, was very happy to have a nice son-in-law like Hobson, but thinking about it, he decided he would prefer him to marry his older daughter Maria, who had once been married to the county sheriff and therefore was always called 'the black Maria'. He realised that this might be the last chance to marry her off. And so he came up with an incredible plan ...
The next day they had a wonderful wedding ceremony. Both bride and groom said their "I do"'s and Hobson lifted his wife's veil to kiss her. What he found was just horrible: Under the gorgeous veil there was the face of black Maria. And he realised that he was legally married to her! He cried out in anger, fell on his knees and begged his father-in-law to take Maria back and give her sister permission to marry him. But it was impossible to persuade Adam; who knew that he would easily find another husband for his beautiful younger daughter but certainly not for black Maria! So he gave Hobson the choice: Stick with Maria or leave my house! Take it or leave it!
- This was Hobson's choice.
Sketches Illustrating Vocabulary
Yuppie Bastard
Setting: in a café; four people: conceited (Kevin), narrow-minded (Alexandra), insidious (Dirk), and resentful (Daniel).
Alex: Hi, Kevin
Kevin: Oh, not now, I am very busy, sorry Alex. I have to meet some very important businessmen.
Alex: I would mind if it were anyone but you. What about later?
Kevin: Let me have a look in my notebook...Perhaps 10 minutes from 3:30 to 3:40.
Daniel: I will always have time for you, remember that!
Alex: My parents wouldn't approve of my dating somebody from the working class.
Kevin: You see, poor guy! She's only got time for people like me who can offer her something. What have you to offer? An old bike, a dinner at McDonalds?
Daniel: Spoiled Yuppie bastard! I have my own fish and chips stand!
Dirk: Are you going to take this, Kevin?
Kevin: I don't talk to a real loser, owner of a fish and chips stand.
Dirk to Daniel: Defend your working-class roots!
Daniel to Kevin: Don't ever expect me to sell you a bag of chips again!
Kevin: I don't know what he is talking about, Alex. I've never eaten there in my whole life.
Alex: I hope not! My parents and I have never eaten in such a place.
Dirk: But Kevin, that's not true. I saw you at Daniel's stand eating some chips.
Kevin: I'm sorry, time is running out and I have an important meeting. See you at 3:30.
Alex (to the other boys): Get lost!
Dirk: Can I invite you for a cup of coffee, Alex?
Alex: Well, we'll see, maybe. But first tell me, how many credit cards do you have...?
Two for the Price of One
Characters
Emperor: Dominik Hacker (irresolute)
Counsellor: Peter Schüller (faint-hearted)
Two concubine candidates, one of them speechless:
Ulrike Friedrich, Christiane Jörgens (prudent and circumspect)
Somewhere in India. Counsellor enters the stage; the two concubines are already lying on the floor.
Counsellor (clapping): Attention! Our God-King, the Emperor, is coming. Smooth your garments and look beautiful since he will choose one of you to be his concubine.
Enter Emperor.
Emperor: Oh, my women, here cometh your Emperor as well as your King of love and pleasure. I am in search of a woman to be my Queen for tonight.
Turning to Counsellor
Advisor, come to my aid for I cannot choose the more propitious one.
Counsellor (obedient): What is thy bidding, sire?
Emperor (impatient, almost like a child wanting candies which are out of reach on a high cupboard): I am in jeopardy for I cannot decide.
Counsellor (slow, hesitant): Think about their attributes, my King.
Emperor: Well, this one has beautifully dark hair and her breasts are reminiscent of my beloved Himalayan mountains and might lead even Siddhartha to sinful thinking; the other's fair hair illuminates a man's darkness and warms his soul with her voluptuous lips.
Counsellor (reluctant): You are indeed...well...hard to satisfy, which is, dear Emperor, a sign of your wisdom and virtue.
Concubine (the one that can speak; slowly at first): If I may interfere, my God-King, (now self-confident and calm) for both of us it will be an honour as well as a pleasure to entertain you. I, with my dark hair, could be your Queen of the night and you could rest your weary head on my cushion breasts, so that your sleep is as deep as a child's in his mother's womb. She (pointing to the other woman), having fair hair, is your rising sun, and you could wake up in the morning being delighted by the brightness of her appearance.
Emperor: OK, I'll take both of you.